4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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