I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
