Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
