i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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