we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
accomplished twins. life is a go
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
