Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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