I'm gonna have a badass scar
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
