those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
