I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
