Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
