Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
