Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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