My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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