What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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