You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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