A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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