Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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