i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
