You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
