half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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