DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize