Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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