Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
