Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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