DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
