forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
