Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
