just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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