Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
