we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
