It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
