Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
