I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
