remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize