the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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