I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
