So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
