There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
