pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
