i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
