I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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