You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
