I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
