and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
