omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm always down for nudity.
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