the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
