wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
