i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize