i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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