Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
