nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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