I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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