Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize