Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
