In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
