If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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