Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls

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(314): View more from Missouri

No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.

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(714): View more from California

The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you

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(281): View more from Texas

Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday

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(912): View more from Georgia

He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.

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