I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
