Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
