Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
