It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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