i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
