she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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