But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
