I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His nipple licking is glorious
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