dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
