The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
