I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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