OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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