Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize