Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
