I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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