so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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