so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
