Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we should paint friendship bongs
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