I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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