Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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