You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
