i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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