The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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