You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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